i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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