i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
PANTIES FOUND
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
