If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
