i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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