Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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