woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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