I cannot find my penis.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
