I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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