How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
