party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize