if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
