i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
