I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
