Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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