Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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