I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
