Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
