I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
