i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
