she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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