Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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