Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
