But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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