that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
