I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
