New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
