Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
