life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's just like the Real World with babies
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
