Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
