My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
