Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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