you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
