I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
