i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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