When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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