Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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