U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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