Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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