It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
