you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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