i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize