I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
