Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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