Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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