You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
