he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
