i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize