I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
