both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
