My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
please come you make the beer taste better
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
