that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
