Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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