it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
