I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
