the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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