Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
