Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
