forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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