I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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