I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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