They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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