2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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