She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
