Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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