Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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