Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize