An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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