she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
