I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
