oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
