I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dear god my vagina.
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