We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
