So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
