I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
