I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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