then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize