How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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