well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
