where am i from again
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
