Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
