someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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