I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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