Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
