I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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