Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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