Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
