babies were throwing up all over the place
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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